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The term "incest" has vastly different meaning in law and psychotherapy. The legal meaning is sex between consenting adults who are prohibited by law to marry because of their close blood rel
ationship. This page does not deal with this issue.

The psychotherapeutic meaning of "incest," originally defined by E. Sue Blume [3], is sexual abuse of minors who have close relationships with their abusers. The victims can be biological children, adopted children, or supervised children over whom the perpetrator has control. The caregiver is an essential part of the child's life, provides her with necessities, and so she naturally becomes emotionally attached to him. The problem is that the provider also abuses her. These incompatible acts cause severe neuropsychological harm to the victim. The most typical incestuous traits usually develop between a child and her parent.


Child abuse is not a random incident. All forms of abuse, and sexual abuse in particular, happen under speci
fic social circumstances. The society creates conditions that foster or impede abuse, but the most important factor is the family. Families that exhibit the most severe indicators of sexual abuse have certain characteristics. These traits have accumulated over countless generations and are considered normal ways of relating to other family members or to outsiders. Every family has its customs and peculiarities, while some traits are universal. They include spirituality, marriage, sexual intercourse, child bearing and upbringing, and are known as "family life." These standard behaviors are closely related to the cycle of life, and deviation from them is seen as abnormal: celibacy, childless couples, same-sex relationships, and sexual intercourse with one's children (incest). Although no industrialized country openly permits sexual relationships between children and adults, something different is happening in the privacy of the home. The Author's research, based on the visible and other indicators of incest, positively documents that virtually every family sexually abuses its young children. In this regard, the term incestuous family seems superfluous, but it will be used to identify families with the most severe abuse and the most characteristic features.

It is no surprise to social workers that incestuous families are usually deeply religious, have a high degree of psychopathology, neurodegenerative illnesses, substance abuse, alcoholism, low education, and unkempt children who have poor grades in school. The big surprise is that the symptoms and consequences of sexual abuse are also abundant in the leading families of the American society. The parents are politicians, judges, lawyers, mayors, doctors, generals, industrialists, high-level managers, etc. Children from such families have the very best grades in school, are polite, and their appearance is spotless.

An incest victim who comes from either of these extreme families has a great difficulty correctly assessing her social environment. She grew up in it and considers it normal, logical, and righteous. An outsider may spot some abnormal family relationships, but even he has a difficulty seeing through the shell and may not recognize the top secret of the human race: incest. The outsider, too, grew up in a similar environment, and the basic social interactions he has learned exist in his entire society. Although people from other cultures are very sensitive to unusual behaviors, they dismiss them as "different customs," and few people ever are able to recognize that social interactions are profoundly affected by childhood sexual abuse. The difficulty in recognizing this relationship is compounded by differential reactions to abuse. Americans, for example, show paranoid fear of nudity, but Germans cannot get enough of it. Both extremes are caused by childhood sexual abuse, but neither culture is able to comprehend the reasons for behaving in one way or another.

A thorough evaluation of an incestuous family may reveal several frequent traits:
  • Siblings of the same age may have very different heights.
  • One child may be fat; another child may be anorexic.
  • Siblings may have very different interests (music versus sports or politics).
  • Siblings may exhibit unjustifiable rivalry, quarreling  and dislike of each other.
  • Children or parents have an exceptional talent for music, singing, math, sports, science.
  • Children or parents are addicted to one activity that takes all their time.
  • Children or parents are well-developed only in one area (arts or sports or sciences).
  • Several family members have occupations that are common among incest victims.
  • Children have the same occupation as their parents, especially cross-gender jobs.
  • Gender role reversal among children (jobs, homosexuality, dominance/submission).
  • One child is psychologically very different from the rest of the family.
  • The family is interracial.
  • The whole family is deeply religious.
  • The family has many children.
  • Pornography is either strictly forbidden or is viewed excessively.
  • Any touch is strictly forbidden or sexual touch is the only way of communication.
  • Emotional intimacy is nonexistent and is replaced by kissing and sexual touch.
  • Most ancestors suffered from illnesses that are caused by incest.
  • Intrafamilial sexual education of adolescents is nonexistent.
  • Parent often talks about other people who abuse children.
  • Children associate only with a specific parent or sibling (often with the abuser).
  • Parents have very different education or social status (housewife vs senator).
  • The father is a tyrant, demands strict discipline, and decides all aspects of family life.
  • The family lives in chaos, and the parents do not care about their many children.
  • "Highly functioning parents" always put their interests before those of the child.
  • One or both parents are perfectionists and demand the same from the child.
  • The parents are driven to be socially recognized.
  • The family (clan) has many compulsory gatherings involving even distant relatives.
  • The parents are constantly driven to do activities, see things, or go to places.
  • The family expresses its cohesion through gifts, but lacks quality time and affection.
  • In general, the parents have a twisted sense of priorities.
  • The parents heavily invest in building of a social facade of normalcy.
  • The father cares more about friends and strangers than his family.
  • The parents are strong nationalists or strong supporters of a political party.
  • The parents were married multiple times.
An incestuous abuser habitually imposes physical contact on the violated child when they are in public (hugging, kissing, lap sitting, or holding). The child is not allowed for a second to feel free from the abuser's influence. He constantly watches her and ensures that she does not divulge their secret. When several strangers dine with them at a table in a fast-food restaurant, he does not leave the child alone with them. When she wants to get a drink, he sends her to get it and watches her throughout the whole process. He exercises total control.

Unfortunately, the above description is only applicable to the most classical incestuous perpetrators. Many abusive fathers have characteristics that vary widely from the standard profile of a pedophile. Interestingly, some psychopathic psychologists and other psychopathic doctors distinguish between pedophiles and common sexual abusers. Pedophiles are often considered to be deviants who are morally corrupt, but common fathers who rape their children are viewed as good people who just made a mistake. By sheer accident, the good fathers inserted their penises into the vaginas, anuses, or mouths of their children and have done so regularly for a number of years. Hey, anyone can make a mistake. They are good parents.

On the surface, sexually abusive parents can be "normal" (typical) in every way. Many like children, play with them, guide them in life, teach them morals, protect them against harm, and are willing to adopt poor or orphaned children of either sex. The abusive men or women are usually heterosexual, but sexually interact with both girls and boys. Objective statistics show equal prevalence of sexual abuse in both genders and invalidate the notion that abuse of girls is much more prevalent than abuse of boys is. But abuse of girls is typically more frequent and lasts much longer.

It would be useful if there were certain traits that would unmistakably reveal an abuser. Sadly, there are no absolutely reliable characteristics. Even men and women who do not abuse children sexually may exhibit behaviors that are usually found in known child rapists. By contrast, the true prevalence of child sexual abuse is so high that it is rare to find a family that does not abuse its children sexually. So, while the values and behavioral traits of the abusers are not absolutely telling, the recognizable impacts in the children are often unmistakably associated with abuse. The best way to determine whether or not a child is abused by a parent it to study the whole family. Individuals may not show the telling signs clearly, but the whole family does.

Television offers an excellent opportunity to study incestuous families. The program "Family Feud" is especially important because it portrays the whole nuclear family, often with other relatives. The families look absolutely normal to an uninitiated viewer. Everyone is so common and human. A trained psychologist looks at the TV screen and sees a family in which one member has the prime visible sign of incest. He is the patriarch with a teaching job in a local high school. One of the daughters is a receptionist, and one is a nurse. The oldest son, the pride of the family, is a stock broker. His younger brother is a full-time member of the National Guard. The whole family sings in the choir. Families like this one live throughout the country.

Sexual abuse is not just a family affair, but an issue of the whole human society. This fact is reflected in the legal system and its attitude toward child rape. Judges and politicians remain faithful to their constituents and defend rapists of children. No western society executes adults who have sex with children, and no western society has passed laws that would allow such executions. The issue of child sexual abuse is deliberately kept from public life. If the prevalence and consequences of sexual abuse with children became publicly acknowledged, the society would likely collapse. To preserve our way of life and our way of having sex with our children, we have resorted to silence and secrecy. We see no evil and hear no evil. An extreme of this attitude is the state of Vatican. It has decreed that sexual abuse of children must be kept secret under the pain of excommunication, and every bishop and cardinal takes care to uphold the policy.

The above paragraph may seem like an exaggeration of reality or outright nonsense. Most people believe that it is impossible for the whole society to be psychopathic and not to recognize its mental and moral corruption. If sexual abuse of children is as widespread as claimed, there would have to be an acknowledgment of the phenomenon by doctors, and there would have to be some kind of evidence of such abuse. Either the medical industry, or the government, or the general public would notice that something of that sort is happening. But such a belief in the goodness of doctors, or politicians, or common humans is naive. On the contrary, the medical industry, the church, the legal and political establishment, and the society as a whole have been ignoring, allowing, sponsoring, performing, and praising genital mutilations of newborn boys in the form of circumcision. Doctor Frist who spent years as the leader of the Republican establishment in the U.S. Congress never pushed for a law that would criminalize circumcision. Similarly, the well-known Surgeon General Dr. Koop never attempted to end this form of sexual, physical, and mental abuse. And also the National Security Adviser
Dr. Rice did nothing to protect newborn children from genital mutilations. (All wonderful people. All doctors.) Naturally, U.S. Presidents (including the Bushes, Clinton, Obama, and Trump) have not stepped forward to abolish such criminal acts. America's leaders have tacitly and subconsciously colluded in their determination to preserve sexual abuse of children. The whole society knows that these crimes are happening. Circumcised penises of boys are recognizable from natural penises at a glance throughout life. But nobody intervenes to stop the abuse.

Since publicly known sexual abuse in the form of circumcision has become a social norm and a socially practiced pathology, no one should be surprised that less visible forms of sexual abuse in the form of anal, oral, or vaginal rape are even more repressed, ignored, and defended by doctors, politicians, and citizens.


Most parents are concerned with raising good children who are smart, likable, and successful. Fathers predominantly focus on the children's social prominence and material achievement, while mothers mainly want children who have good morals. Taking drugs, being promiscuous, committing crimes, or using foul language are serious concerns of all parents, including the incestuous ones. Surprisingly, the effects of incest on the children's psyche never cross the minds of the abusive parents. The impacts of sexual abuse, and not the explicitly taught values and morals, dominate the behaviors of abused children.

Because of parental inability to acknowledge the effects of incest, inappropriate behaviors of children lead to all kinds of justification in the minds of the adults. Incestuous parents who are socially prominent often try to explain the bad behaviors of their children by a bad influence of the outside world. The child is said to have grown up in a bad neighborhood or the child's acting out is rationalized by the influence of the television, radio, music, or magazines. No one considers that the child's brain damage and the child's acculturation through incest could be behind the abnormal behaviors. Righteous child rapists almost never consider their influence, but seek a third party to blame. By contrast, abusive parents with a low social standing usually explain the bad behaviors of their children by blaming the sons or daughters. The children are considered stupid, lazy, possessed, crazy, mentally feeble, precocious, promiscuous, immoral, disobedient, oppositional, etc.

Regrettably, the blame game is also promoted by social workers and psychologists. The reason is that psychologists are frequently former incest victims and suffer from the same mental deficits as the subjects and their parents do. Not the incestuous parents and their abuse of children, but music or television are believed to cause bad behaviors. Many psychologists have scientifically concluded that children who watch violence on television are much more likely to become violent in real life. Also men who watch pornography excessively have been found to be much more likely to sexually attack another person. The studies seem to clearly establish a relationship between cause and effect. In reality, the researchers are putting the cart in front of the horse.

Sexual abuse of children damages the brain and mind. Many children exhibit fits of misdirected rage by being aggressively impulsive or by showing less impulsive but constant belligerent attitudes. Misdirected anger is part of the consequences. Some unpopular social group is commonly blamed for everything that goes wrong or is simply attacked because its practices or very existence are perceived as outrageous and intolerable. Similarly, a child who has a damaged brain because of childhood sexual abuse is much more likely to be drawn to risky behaviors, promiscuity, drug use, hard rock, violent movies, pornography, actual sex or actual violence than a child who has not been abused and whose mind functions normally. These are the typical consequences in abused children from families that did not care. By contrast, abused children from families that did care and were socially prominent tend to show superficially proper behaviors. The consequences of the abuse are stifled, but not eliminated. The children tend to become white-collar criminals, legal murderers (police, soldiers, judges, politicians), secret drug addicts, sex addicts, and secret bosses of organized crime. In both types of incestuous families, no matter what the parents do to explicitly teach their abused children morality, the abuse permanently damages the child and shapes his or her character. When the children become adults, they not only unknowingly transfer the bad morals to their children, but also abuse the children. This is so because childhood abuse becomes programmed into the damaged minds of the former incest victims and is acted out many years later if the abuse is not resolved in psychotherapy. As a consequence, sexual abuse and psychopathology propagate from one generation to the next. The beliefs, habits, pathology, and behavioral manifestations of one incestuous family are largely similar to those of other incestuous families and give rise to (incestuously modulated) social norms and morals. This is what constitutes the society you live in. Not language, skin color, or social origin, but the consequences of incest dominate the character of the human society. 


Quest for dominance runs the life of an incest victim. The dominance can come in many forms. A man may choose to become a drill sergeant, and a weak woman may decide to become a teacher. Both he and she are in positions of power. The man is in charge because of the power vested in him by the military and the state, and the woman dominates her pupils thanks to her experience, higher intelligence, and substantially bigger size. Some victims may achieve dominance by manipulating others or by pleasing them. The concept is the same as in the case of direct dominance. The subconscious goal is to make others behave in certain ways. A beggar who sways others to give him money is experiencing power over them. A waiter who pleases restaurant customers makes them feel indebted, and they give him a tip. An actress who pleases her audience makes them accept her. She feels needed and revered for her artistic qualities. A nurse who takes care of a patient feels needed and experiences power. The patient depends on her. She decides whether he lives or dies. She determines whether he feels pain or relief. Control, power, manipulation, or submission are the typical ways in which incest victims relate to other people.


The style of sexual relatedness between husband and wife is an indicator of the man's or woman's attitude toward sex and dominance. Interestingly, hardly any woman is able to recognize that her partner's sexual prowess she so much cherished in the beginning of their relationship now leads to sexual abuse of their children. Similarly, few brides marrying bisexual men seem to grasp that the men are promiscuous individuals who will have sex with other men, women, or children if the opportunity arises. The following signs suggest a man's propensity toward sexual abuse of children. Some signs are applicable to abusive women.
  • Partner likes to experiment during intercourse
  • Partner refuses to accommodate the woman's sexual needs
  • Partner introduces torture or elements of dominance or fear
  • Partner suddenly changes sexual habits
  • Partner is careless regarding contraception
  • Partner strictly opposes abortion
  • Partner frequently leaves bed at night
  • Partner desires sex less than twice a week
  • Partner grades or compares his wife's sexual performance to "some other standard"
  • Partners do not talk to each other
  • Partners sleep in separate beds or bedrooms
  • Partner socializes with children and ignores spouse, or ignores everyone
  • Partner strictly observes the division between "masculine and feminine work"
  • Partner excessively plays with children and avoids housework
  • Partner unexpectedly comes home early, right after the child is back from school
  • Partner frequently mentions that he has spent time in the company of children
  • Partner likes the pictures of his children, but not the picture of his wife
  • Partner relates to family only in sexual or possessive ways
A child is at a particular risk of abuse when parents try to harm each other or stop having sex. The child is used as a conduit to punish the other parent. By having sex with his daughter, the father is trying to show to his wife that he does not need her and that her daughter is better in bed anyway. The father can also have sex with the daughter when the wife is unavailable for sex. The parents may have no intercourse for weeks, and the father may decide to have sex with his daughter instead. He could probably find sex outside the home, but why should he go outside? Staying home is a matter of convenience. The father may rationalize his decision to engage in sex with his daughter and blame his wife for her unavailability. Her sexual absence is, in his mind, a sufficient reason to have sex with the daughter. He needs sex; he must have it, and if the wife does not give it to him, he will get it otherwise. He believes that it is his natural right.


This is a false construct. Opportunity does NOT make a rapist; a rapist makes an opportunity. Child abuse is not a crime committed by the abuser alone. There are usually supporting actors who either knowingly or unknowingly help the abuser get access to a child and abuse her. The most common way to help a child rapist to abuse a child is to marry him. Women sexually abused as children do this all the time. They are programmed by their early experiences to unconsciously seek the familiar patterns of their childhood. They marry a man with whom they are able to recreate the old patterns; they marry a child rapist. In addition, caring parents may unknowingly create conditions that expose their child to abuse:
  • Parents send their child to a religious school with an unspoken message: Obey the holy men unconditionally. They are good people.
  • Parents leave the child in the care of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, or others.
  • One parent (male) sends the wife away for several weeks and cares for the children.
  • Daughter and stepfather are at home; the mother works night shifts.
  • The wife socializes and pursues her interests; the child and the father are at home alone.
  • The mother is cranky, and the child senses her silent message: Do not bother me with your abuse.
  • The father may send a silent message to the child: This man is my close buddy. Never say anything bad about him. It would hurt me very much. The child does not reveal her abuse by the friend.
  • The father is a loser and has a low self-esteem. He gains power by dominating a child sexually.
  • The father hides his low self-esteem by reaching a powerful social position, but his unrelenting feeling of vulnerability in combination with his domineering mentality drive him to rape a child or an adult. This behavior is very common among politicians, mayors, judges, attorneys, preachers, or drill sergeants.
  • The father is bored or overwhelmed by life, and so he rapes his daughter to relieve his desperation.
  • Child rapists, despite having their own kids, love to adopt additional children.
Although there is a legal difference between having sex with a child and a young White House intern, these acts are psychologically identical: An older buck exploits a vulnerable subject.

Human beliefs about sexuality work in peculiar ways. Studies found that few parents think that their teenage children are having sex [4]. Similarly, many teenagers believe that their parents are having sex no more. Not surprisingly, i
ntrafamilial sexual abuse is associated with a recurrent social problem: Many people do not want to believe that parents have sex with their children. This naive belief is easy to deconstruct by examining a few basic facts. It is a fact that most husbands and wives have sex with each other several times a week and do so continuously week after week. In addition, many parents have sex outside the family to spice up their sex lives, to pursue adventures, or simply because they succumb to the sexual attractiveness of the outsiders. These sexual contacts are mostly heterosexual, but relatively frequently involve partners of the same sex. Another fact is that many men have sex with prostitutes despite having regular sex with their wives. These facts indicate that an emotional bond or familiarity are not required to have sex with a person. All that is sufficient to make a man or woman engage in sexual contacts is physical attraction. A man who cheats on his wife with another woman has no moral problem with having sex with another female. As long as he finds her sexually desirable, he tries to have sex with her if such an opportunity arises. Similarly, a husband who cheats on his wife with another man manifests his desire to have sex with another man or woman, and he has no moral issue with his promiscuity. The cheater's behavior also indicates that he has no dispute with emotionally or otherwise hurting (by giving a sexually transmitted disease) his steady sex partner. His behavior shows that any person who is available for having sex with him is a fair game. Any person includes any age. It is common that older men have sex with young adults, and it is the norm that adolescents have sex with each other and are highly promiscuous. The tendency to be promiscuous does not evaporate when youngsters become a few years older or get married. And, naturally, child prostitution is a booming business worldwide. In some countries, sex tourism and child prostitution are significant drivers of the economy. Even more interesting is that parents often force their children into prostitution. These facts indicate that any person of any age is considered suitable for having sex with. This includes the perpetrator's children of either sex. The children are available in the household whenever the urge to have sex arises, and so they are used to meet the perpetrator's needs. The proximity and constant availability of the children makes sex with them a matter of convenience. Besides, it is safer for the perpetrator because he does not need to worry about contracting an STD from some stranger. He does not know who the stranger has been with. But he knows that his children have been with no one but him.


Naive mothers often cannot comprehend why so many men have sex with their children. The reasons are obvious and seemingly self-explanatory, but the wives cannot understand them. In fact, many wives cannot even comprehend why their spouses have sex with other women. The inability to fathom the reasons are reflective of poor emotional intelligence of the wives. Naturally, marrying a child rapist or a promiscuous man is another indicator of defective emotional intelligence. The reasons men have sex with multiple partners or with children arise from the function and malfunction of the male brain.

An average male continuously produces sperm. After a few days, the presence of the sperm sends powerful signals to the brain. At times, very important issues force the male not to heed the signals, and the urge can be rejected. But on most days, 
the signals are powerful and compel the male to ejaculate and remove the source of the signals. A middle-aged male typically needs to ejaculate two or three times a week. A young male with plenty of hormones can have the urge to ejaculate daily or several times a day. The need to ejaculate depends on several factors. The primary one is accumulation of the sperm. The secondary factor is the amount and quality of sexual signals the male receives from the environment. A male who is a life guard at a swimming pool receives substantially stronger and more plentiful sexual stimuli than an accountant. However, even with no external stimulation, the urge to ejaculate becomes so powerful in time that simple touch of the genitals by the pants may cause spontaneous ejaculation. Similar forces exist within the female organism and compel a woman to seek somatic stimulation of her erogenous receptors and to engage in sexual intercourse. These forces bring men and women together, ensure sexual coupling, reproduction, and survival of the human species. Thus, men and women engage in sexual intercourse because it feels good and is rewarding physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

The drive to couple sexually with adults of the opposite sex is natural and normal. The problem of sex in public, promiscuity, stranger rape, or child sexual abuse in the family is caused by a malfunctioning brain. A healthy mind can modulate sex drive and release it responsibly. But a man lacking emotional intelligence will fail to respond to his urge in an appropriate way. The man may disregard the moral aspects of his act, may ignore that his promiscuous behavior emotionally hurts his close people, and he also disregards the well-being of his rape victim. Such a man puts his sexual urge above all other considerations and strives to satisfy his momentary need by all means. Interestingly, these methods of sexual release are doubly rewarding for the perpetrator. Having promiscuous sex with a coworker is an adventure and relaxation. The man is free from his regular family worries and can enjoy his time to the fullest. When the man rapes an attractive young woman, the act is more rewarding than mundane sexual intercourse with his plain-looking wife is. And when the man rapes his young daughter, who looks cute and is naive about the world, he gets an enormous kick out of the experience. The softness of her fresh complexion cannot be matched by the aged skin of her mother. The girl's curiosity about the world along with her sexual innocence makes the father feel that he is helping her learn the ultimate skill only a parent is qualified to teach his child. His recognition that his mediocre penis suddenly appears supersized 
relative to the small anatomy of the child brings him immense joy and pride. He is fond of the lesson he is teaching her, and he is pleased by the somatic and sexual qualities of his student. He not only feels good; he feels great. This is why men have sex with their children. Naturally, fathers rape not only girls, but also boys. It may seem puzzling at first why would adults have sex with children of the same gender. Malfunction of the brain explains the reasons.

The human brain has complex systems that regulate the sense of beauty, attraction, and sex appeal. A healthy brain will only permit gratification of sexual desire if there is a personal relationship and emotional bond between the partners. Dissociation or other forms of brain damage may allow sexual expression even when the conditions are not perfect. This is why men and women often seek extramarital affairs or sexual relationships with age-inappropriate partners. Under these mental conditions, sexuality can be expressed in public, in exotic places, or in violation of social norms. Even deeper brain damage permits a subject to have sex with the opposite gender or with both genders. Pathology also tolerates penile penetration of nonsexual organs, such as the mouth or anus. And, as experiments with dogs showed, severe brain damage drives an animal to sexually couple even with inanimate objects. Similarly, males commonly insert their penises into various inanimate openings that include sex toys, bottles, vacuum hoses, or jacuzzi nozzles. The behaviors have poor logic because they are tolerated by low emotional intelligence.


One reason is that there is hardly anyone to tell. The other reasons children do not tell about abuse are numerous, but can be grouped into several categories.
  • Dissociation. The child represses her abuse beyond conscious awareness.
  • Brain damage causes that the victim loses judgment and free will, and is easily controlled by the abuser's wishes.
  • Shame. She is ashamed of being involved in activities that are considered immoral.
  • Fear of the abuser
  • Love for the abuser
  • Need to preserve the family and defend it against a seemingly hostile outside world
  • She was turned down when she tried to disclose abuse to other people.
  • The legal system returned her to the abuser and gave him the sole custody of her.
  • She was abused by a father figure in public, and everyone ignored her violation
Even when a victim tells about her abuse, she often waits before she discloses her secret to people who are dear to her. The typical wait period is one year, and there is no substantial difference between the responses of victimized children and adults. For example, Michael Reagan waited for a year before he disclosed his abuse to his parents. Similarly, major Cornum, a POW of the Gulf War, lied to the U.S. Congress and denied her rape by the Iraqis. She only disclosed it a year later. Children are even more reticent, fearful, and ashamed than adults are. Many child victims remain silent for decades, some never tell anyone, and some may even view their abuse in a positive way. The positive interpretation of abuse can especially happen when an emotionally unavailable parent "rewards" the child with his presence, attention, and company. Abuse can also be viewed positively when a sexualized child is seemingly abused by a person outside her home. For example, the public may view a music teacher as abusive when he has sex with an underage student, but the victim may view the encounters positively. She does not perceive the activity as abusive, but as an expression of attention and even love. It is so because she is sexualized.


The relationship between an abuser and his victim is known as the "Stockholm Phenomenon." Bank robbers in Stockholm, Sweden took hostages and threatened their lives. The robbers were eventually overpowered and arrested. However, the hostages became attached to the robbers during the ordeal, felt sorry for them, and bailed them out of jail. The outcome seems inconceivable because a mentally healthy person would never develop such a pernicious bond during a few hours of threat to one's life. The attitude of the hostages became possible because of previous abusive experiences and dissociation. The phenomenon does not manifest normal human behavior of healthy people, but reflects the long-term consequences of abuse during childhood. The same type of bond frequently develops in an incestuous family between a rapist and an abused child. The closer their personal relationship is, the stronger their psychological bond is. If incest is uncovered and the perpetrator is put on trial, the victim often refuses to testify against him. She is safe now and the rapist cannot hurt her, but she does not disclose his crimes. She knowingly lies and denies her abuse. Similarly, if she learns that her abuser has been exposed in the news media, she feels betrayed by the child protective services and does all she can to defend the reputation of her rapist. The reasons behind her behavior are complex and cannot be attributed to one cause. Below are listed a few significant factors that shape the incestuous love-hate relationship between the violator and the violated.

Breakdown of Personal Boundaries
This is by far the most significant effect of childhood sexual abuse that bonds the victim with her attacker. The rapist penetrates all layers of the victim's somatic and psychological boundaries, and destroys her independent mental existence. She feels helpless, is overwhelmed by the rapist's dominance, mentally merges with him, and becomes a smaller part of him. Because of habitual dissociation from painful information, she is unable to learn from her past experiences, and she tends to submit to abuse by others. Even more importantly, if her abuse is done "correctly," she is incapable of recognizing that she is being abused. Consequently, no amount of abuse is too high for her. She takes anything from anyone if that someone knows how to "push her buttons" and knows how to dominate her in an unrecognizable way.

Changes in the Brain and Loss of Emotional Intelligence
The mind of an incest victim learns to handle the extreme psychological stress she is exposed to. The victim often becomes depressed, and nothing matters to her. Neither happiness nor fear. She typically loses many of her cerebral functions. Problem assessment becomes difficult for her. She loses her will, curiosity, interest in her well-being, and a good deal of her emotional intelligence. After damage to the victim's brain and mind, her surviving cognitive faculties respond to her social environment poorly. Psychotherapists often use the term that the victim is coping. This expression conveys a purposeful effort to negotiate the social environment by means of the surviving brain functions. Unfortunately, this positive aspect of responding to the victim's challenges in life is accompanied by a long chain of events and behaviors that manifest no ability to take care of oneself and to determine what is harmful or beneficial. Thus, it is incorrect to assume that the victim is taking logical steps to avoid danger and better her life. Because of her neural damage, the following factors influence her relationship with her abuser:

The familiar attracts us. We pay special attention to it and omit the unknown. When we travel to a foreign country, we associate with an odd American character because he is familiar. Back home we would get nauseated at the mere thought of shaking his hand, but here he becomes our best buddy.
Attraction to the familiar outweighs any potential or actual harm when emotional intelligence is lacking.

Fear of the Abuser
She is afraid that the abuser will punish her for revealing their secret and that he will be harmed. She feels that telling about his abusive acts would amount to a betrayal of the most significant person in her life. The abuser truly becomes the most significant factor of her mental existence.

Fear of the Unknown
The loss of mental faculties leaves the victim poorly equipped to initiate changes in her life. She tends to cling to the familiar and get along by repeating her habitual patterns. Obviously, she is not engaging her emotional intelligence.

Abuser's Control over the Victim
The rapist has raised his victim in the spirit of unconditional obedience, and she is unable to change the nature of their relationship. She may be 50 years old, but she still reveres her abusive father and does exactly as he tells her.

He Is her whole World
She becomes isolated from her friends and family members. He jealously guards her social interactions and ruthlessly punishes her for the slightest infractions. She is forced to break off her social contacts to avoid his outbursts of rage.

She is Unwilling to Give up her Defenses
An abused child develops mental defenses against her violation. One of them is denial of reality. She puts a lot of effort into self-deception. She knows the facts, but she refuses to acknowledge them. When she is asked to disclose her abuse, she is unable to do so. Admitting her violation would mean becoming fully aware (conscious) of her troubled existence. Her reduced emotional intelligence makes her believe that maintaining her defenses is the only option she has.

She is ashamed of her abuse or believes that she was an active participant in it. After she is sexualized, she may continue having sex with her abuser voluntarily and develop a sexual and emotional "relationship" with him. She may perceive her interaction with her abuser as harmful, but she may develop an addiction to it. She anticipates her abuse, feels anxiety, and wonders when he will strike again. And when he finally rapes her, she feels relief. Some of her personalities may genuinely like sexual intercourse and actively initiate it. She may find nothing traumatic in it. Now she is unable to reveal her big secret even if she wanted to: She knows that it is all her fault. And she cannot be angry with her incestuous partner, because she loves him and voluntarily has sex with him. This is how he raised her, and she believes that it is normal. The tug of war between her shame and trauma leads to extreme guilt and desperation. Over time, chronic depression develops. She may not manifest her mental state in cognitive ways, but her deep subconscious mind may produce obvious psychosomatic effects.

The relationship between the abuser and the victim is mutual and is not governed by clearly defined roles. The abuser is also a former victim and is not abusive under all circumstances. He provides the victim with food and shelter, and can be nice to her. A father who rapes his daughter often cares about her. He gives her a car on her high school graduation, uses his influence to find her a job, watches her young children, and leaves her all his wealth when he dies. A father who rapes his son may switch to a personality of a compassionate parent when the child develops a terminal disease in response to the abuse. Dad drives him to the hospital, spends thousands of dollars on his treatment, and when the child dies, the "Good Dad" personality sheds genuine tears over the boy's grave.


Incestuous families affect the mentality of their children in two major ways. One way is expressed through upbringing. The dynamics of the abusive family are acquired by the children as habits and unconsciously control the children's lifestyles. When the children grow up, they unknowingly seek the familiar patterns of their childhood. This is why an abused girl often enters the same kind of a relationship as her mother did. If the mother was weak and obeyed her husband, also the daughter is likely to end up in such a relationship. If the mother was cold and domineering, also the daughter is prone to employ such traits in family relationships.

The second way of influencing the mentality of children from incestuous families happens through neural corruption. Severe abuse and chronic stress lead to dissociative disorders and neural damage. The brain-damaged children lose their intelligence and ability to decide what is good and what is harmful. Abused girls spontaneously submit to abuse by others in adulthood and allow these habitual responses to dominate family life. Violated boys also succumb to these two behavioral trends, but rather than being victims, boys usually end up in relationships as abusers. These harmful trends affect the victims' lives even in personal and social relationships outside the family.


You have just discovered that someone rapes your child. What can you do? No much, really. Your options are extremely limited. And you are part of the problem. For years, you have voted for rapists and members of organized crime, or you have not voted at all. Either way, you have unknowingly supported a rapist culture. You have done so by allowing rapists and pro-rapist elements to be elected to public office, to write laws, and to protect crime. For years, you have done nothing to remove criminals from the legislature, the judiciary, and the executive branch of the government. It is your fault. Until you acknowledge your role, you cannot be helped.

You have done the right opposite of what you should have done. You have supported the church and the government with your donations or taxable income. They have used your money for personal profit and solidification of their political power. You have opposed the death penalty for murderers, rapists, and crooked public officials. You have allowed the White House, Supreme Court, and Congress to run your life as they deem fit. And they have done just that.

The legal system has created laws that protect crime, particularly organized crime, and make it difficult for you to prosecute evil. The system uses crime for personal profit; law and crime have become a money-making enterprise. You have allowed lawyers and politicians to invent a system of injustice that places them in the roles of middlemen. Not you, but they decide whether you get access to justice. The legal system that you have supported through your passivity or blind obedience now denies you to come directly to a court and demand justice in a country that is supposed to be a democracy for the benefit of the People. Members of the legal system run their privately owned public enterprise and want you to pay them money before they give you a long shot at justice. And after you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on your lawyers and court expenses, the judge dissolves the case, or reverses a verdict reached by the jury, or invokes some technicality that sets the alleged rapist free. And you and millions of other dissociated incest victims like yourself meekly accept the injustice.

Handling of sex crimes normally involves several public officials: legislators, police, prosecutors, and judges. Psychological profiling has shown that all these officials tend to become who they are because of childhood sexual abuse. The majority of the officials turn into abusers and rulers over people's lives. The usual pathway to most occupations in the legal system is to become a lawyer. And we all know how crooked lawyers are. So, the mentally predisposed or factually criminal public officials represent the rapist culture. Studies show that children of such officials have high prevalence and severity of sexual abuse. Incidentally, almost no American public official has proposed and approved a law that would send rapists to the gallows. On the contrary, lawmakers have systematically passed laws that hamper prosecution; state judges have been punishing rapes with probations, and the U.S. Supreme Court outright decreed that no rapist must be allowed to be executed.

On the other side of the spectrum, forensic experts who testify in courts of law for the defense are predominantly incest victims, and majority of them are child rapists. Children of these doctors often have obvious symptoms of incest. The testimony of such experts involves blatant lies or rationalization of evidence. Similarly, prosecutors have been protecting child rapists by not submitting rape cases to courts. The amazing thing is that prosecutors typically become judges after years of experience "fighting crime." On top of that, governors and the president have the veto powers and can pardon any convicted rapist. Also judges have been given similar powers and can dismiss a trial even before it starts, or may deny introduction of evidence, or may rule as they please to prevent conviction of a rapist. A judge can also allow a suspected rapist to post bail and escape to another country, rather than to face conviction and possible punishment. As the examples reveal, the entire legal system of the USA has been set up by rapists to defend rape, and all branches of the government have tacitly colluded to defend their fellows rapists. And thanks to the fellow rapists, most public officials have been elected or nominated to public office.

The above characterization of the American legal system may seem unreal, but facts agree with the description. Statistics for the state of Utah show that 66% of substantiated cases of child sexual abuse were not prosecuted, and 74% of convicted sex offenders were only put on probation [1]. In Chicago, Illinois, only 17% of 451 allegations of child sexual abuse resulted in felony prosecutions [2]. All the way, the legal system does its best to defend child rapists. These modern statistics should not be surprising in view of American history. Slavery was equally about cheap labor as it was about cheap sex. Judges, senators, and governors were among those who raped their black domestic slaves. Many of the girls were not even in their teens.

You cannot get justice from the current legal system. The system is a major obstacle on the road to justice; the system is an organized impediment. To win a fight against a rapist of your child, you must get organized, too. You must dissolve the legal system, rebuild it from bottom up, and enforce justice. A constitution and laws on paper are meaningless if the People are unwilling to demand their rights and vigorously prosecute those who deny justice to the People. You must form a government of the People and by the People, not a government of profiteers for the benefit of organized crime.

Bringing about a change will be difficult. Rapists and those who profit from crime will not give up their CASH COW without a fight. They are an entrenched institution in the American society and culture. You can see some of the honorable gentlemen every Sunday morning on national television. Equipped with U.S. flags in the lapels of their suits, they wrap themselves in patriotism, the last refuge of the scoundrels. They prevent you from getting justice; they protect the rapist of your child. Until you get rid of them, you will have no justice.

So, we kick the 100 White House occupants, the 100 Senators, and the 500 Representatives out of office and get justice, right?
Totally wrong! You forgot the two political parties. They install individual politicians, judges, lawyers, and administrators in public office; they are the backbone of the CASH COW.

So, we ban the two political parties and get justice that way, right?
Wrong again! Political parties are more than a dozen buddies who pursue common interests. You have ignored the hundreds of millions of incest victims like yourself who support the political parties or let them operate as they please. You have not accounted for the forty percent of incestuously brain-damaged Americans who fully stand behind their government no matter what. And you forgot about your own incestuous past. You will have to change yourself before you are able to change the legal system and the world. It will be a perilous fight requiring your courage and determination. But ask not what your government can do to you. Ask what you can do to your government.

But I love my President, Congress, and Supreme Court. I am grateful to them for taking my money and telling me what I may not have. May God save the blessed people.

Yes, may God save them, you, and Your Child.


The responsible (or irresponsible) authority who is supposed to protect children from abuse may substantially affect incestuous activities in a family.

The Victimized Child
If the abuser is not removed from family and is not severely punished, the child may believe that what the abuser did was not such a big deal. Or she may feel that no one cares. If a judge releases a rapist on probation, the abused child learns that telling others about her abuse will only get her in trouble. She may consider killing her abuser as her only way out of the situation (very rare), but she knows that the legal system would punish her by death or life-long imprisonment, and the God-given patriarchal laws of the land would be applied in full force.

The Father
In most societies, the father is the head of the family. Laws and social values of the People give him an unquestionable power. Islamic countries represent an extreme of this social arrangement, while industrialized societies are less strict. In divorce cases, the traditional right of the man to own his wife and children is weighed against the biological and psychological ties between women and children. It seems logical that a woman, who spends most of the time with the child, should be allowed to continue doing so and should be given the sole custody. Socially responsible judges favor this solution, but judges who are religious patriarchs let the father decide what he wants, and his wish becomes the law. This happens even in cases when the father's entire involvement is a one-night stand with the mother. His tiny sperm is given more right than her huge egg, 9-month of pregnancy, and months of breast feeding and caring for the child.

The Mother
Mothers often win custody battles for a simple reason; the man wants to be free. Other men want to get back at their wives by depriving them of their right to have the custody of their children. In these cases, a mother often comes up with an accusation of sexual abuse. Some, probably very few women, may make up the claims to win. These claims may or may not agree with reality. Unbeknown to the mother, the child may have been abused. Most women decide to bring the charges at this point because they are losing the custody dispute. The charges are probably true, but the mother did not mention them earlier because:
  • The mother was sure that she would get the custody of the child and did not want to reveal the embarrassing fact that the child had been abused sexually.
  • The mother has multiple personality and could not remember the abuse earlier.
  • The mother did not care much about her child or did not think that the sexual abuse, which she knew about, was harmful to the child. The abuse was not her primary motivation for a divorce.
  • She did not want to bring up the abuse charges because she was afraid of her spouse.
  • She abused the child, too, and tried to protect herself. But she may realize that her abusive acts are probably unknown to the other party, and so she files the charges now to gain an advantage.
  • She did not mention the abuse earlier because of her multiple personality disorder. Early in the legal process, her activated personality was aware that she abused the child, too. She protected herself by keeping silent. She recently switched to another personality, lost the knowledge of her abusive acts, and made accusations that her spouse had abused the child.
As the possibilities indicate, finding the facts is difficult. A technical solution to these disputes exists, but is not legally admissible. Comprehensive lie detector tests given to the judge, the child, and the parents could find the truth beyond a reasonable doubt, but where would our judges and politicians be if the nation could read their minds? This bleak prospect has been keeping science out of the American courtroom. Luckily, religious beliefs and the Bible are still admissible as evidence.

The Judge
Judges join the government because they agree with and support the American legal establishment (the CASH COW). In most custody battles, the judge does not know the litigants and has no conscious reason to decide one way or another. But he has his subconscious mind and firmly held beliefs that affect his judgment. His decision is always influenced by his religious, political, or incestuous values, even when he is determined to be objective. For example, the US Supreme Court members, who appointed George Bush II as the President of the United States and knew that the nation knew about their act, did not applaud during his State of the Union speech because they might appear impartial. Shhh! Let us pretend. The People do not know.

The Protective Organizations
America has many child protective organizations. Some are official and work in close cooperation with the law enforcement, but others simply consider it their patriotic duty to protect abused kids. The official protectors do manage to save a few children from additional sexual abuse. The sad thing is that some members of these organizations harm the very children they are supposed to protect. This behavior is also seen among abusive teachers or coaches who use their occupations to gain easy access to children.

The unofficial protective organizations do not aim to protect kids, but to keep the status quo. Members of these organizations have a high respect for law and order, tend to vote, and support the existing legal, political, religious, and social environment. Members of these organizations may believe that their purpose is child protection, but their acts and attitudes show a different thing. Yet these patriots remain the pillars of our social system. They seek escaped children living on the street and return them to their rapists. The good Samaritans believe that a family is supposed to live under one roof. They also send out photos of missing and exploited children, and get energized when they hear that a child has been "kidnapped" by her non-custodial mother. They listen, they hear, and they act. They do not think. If you asked them why they reported a mother and her little daughter, who has the prime visible symptom of incest, to the authorities, they would reply, "The judge signed a warrant, and we must obey. It is the duty of every American to support their government." (Notice the politically correct "their.") You ask them, "How can you let this happen? How can you be part of this? How can you assist in returning the child to her father?" And they are speechless and flabbergasted, and give you this incomprehensive it-is-in-the-Bible look.

The Underground Railroad
"The underground railroad" is the last resort of mothers who want to protect their children against sexual abuse by the American legal system. The underground does not advertise in the Yellow Pages. The only way to learn about the railroad is by the word of mouth. There are centers for battered women and rape centers where a desperate mother can hope to find a good soul who will direct her to the proper channels. The underground railroad means a life on the run from THE LAW. For these women and their abused children, the American legal system is the public enemy #1. The legal system includes not just rapists, but all Americans who do nothing against injustice, have respect for THE LAW, and vote for the same crooked politician or judge year after year. The underground railroad is not a solution, and neither are charities. Charities, too, operate "outside the law." They may collect $1 billion a year if they are lucky. At the same time, citizens give TRILLIONS of dollars to the government and its cronies, who distribute the cash among themselves. If you want to get justice in America, you have to stop operating outside the law and become THE LAW. Get organized.


The rapist, his family, and the whole society face a big moral problem. Internally, they are evil, or hide evil, or protect evil in their midst. They have a need to preserve their self-image and semblance of normalcy. Dissociation solves the problem, and religion is the vehicle that takes them to the desired destination. The rapist has a need to see himself as a good, caring parent. The mother has the same need. Any admission of collusion or complacency regarding sexual abuse of her children would destroy her self-image, and she would be unable to live with herself. The abused children face a similar problem. When my father is so righteous and honorable, then there must be something wrong with me. The children feel the pain of their abuse, but they also know that no one is supposed to talk about sexual things in general, and about family secrets in particular. The parents never have to tell the children to keep the sexual activities secret. The body language of the parents is completely clear. Everyone subconsciously keeps distance from the sensitive topic, and the issue never surfaces. If problems do develop because of the children's acting out in public, both the children and the parents are able to produce an amazing list of justifications that explain any discrepancy between the projected image of normalcy and reality. The concocted explanations never work for the incestuous family in the long run, and the only solution is further dissociation. This approach sacrifices facts, truth, and emotional intelligence. Once dissociated and emotionally stupid, the family finds an escape in the supernatural and organized religion. This "opiate of the people" always has a pain-reducing effect. But like every drug, it wears off, and the unresolved problems return because dissociation and religion are unable to resolve the childhood trauma. Only psychotherapy can. But why would anyone in this household need psychotherapy? This is a healthy, righteous, and God-fearing family, just like yours. They could not possibly suffer from psychopathology or similar consequences of childhood sexual trauma. And where would the trauma come from? The family is prosperous; the kids are having a wonderful childhood; who would dream about seeking therapeutic help? They have THE BOOK, and all the help they will ever need is inside.


[1] Richard Oldroyd. Child Sexual Abuse: Statistics, Trends, and Case Outcomes. Retrieved December 1, 2008 from http://www2.state.id.us/ag/newsrel/2008/nr_jan232008.htm

[2] M. Martone, P. K. Jaudes, M. K. Cavins. Criminal prosecution of child sexual abuse cases
Child Abuse Negl. 1996 May ;20 (5):457-64 873538

[3] Secret Survivors, E. Sue Blume. 1990 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. First Ballantine Books edition: March 1991. Tenth Printing: April 1993, ISBN 0-345-36979-3

[4] http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/01/07/earlyshow/main6066101.shtml. Few parents think teens are having sex.

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